I Feel Fantastic!

So I'm settling into things and remaining (fairly) consistent with what I eat week to week.  I am also *really* trying to make this a lifestyle change so I'm trying to go with the flow a little and find things I can eat in social situations.  This week I'm also PMSing so I am craving everything I should not be eating and I'm really trying to keep it in check.

But, that's not what I came here to write about.  I came just to say that I.Feel.Fantastic.  I don't if it's losing ~43 pounds, kicking caffeine, cutting Diet Coke, working out again, or what, but I really feel great.  My energy is through the roof!  I've gone to the gym 5 times in the past two weeks (what? I know).

Then, today, we took our daughter to the Zoo.  I've wanted to go for a while but we went once when she was very young and it was so hot, and I was so out of shape, we left because I felt like I was going to pass out.  I was so looking forward to going today when, in the past, thoughts of going again have filled me with dread (how will I walk all day?).  It's funny b/c I often say that I don't know if I am fat because I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed because I'm fat.  I still don't know.  But, I can tell you that my excitement about going to the Zoo today carried none of the worry about how I'd manage and was most certainly not a depressed response.  Not only that, but I walked around for several hours without sitting (this is major, people).  Not only that, but the crippling lower back pain that I've dealt with since late pregnancy ( ahem, 3 years ago) whenever I stood or walked for more than 5 mins was entirely absent.  I could have walked around for a few *MORE* hours by the time we left.  I caught myself thinking about it and a huge smile came across my face.  I said to my Mom "I feel FANTASTIC".  She just smiled and said "you have so much more energy it's incredible, just seeing you".

In that moment I realize that while I still want the scale to move and get frustrated when it doesn't -  that I've already won.  I've already done so much for my health (physical and mental).  I already can do more with my daughter.  I already feel better in clothes and in my own skin.  I mean, yes, I still weigh 290+ pounds yet I already feel like a winner!  If I lose nothing else, think of all I've 'gained'.  I mean, I want to keep losing, don't get me wrong!!!  But, I can already tell that this surgery has changed my life, my family's life and my kid's life FOREVER.  Pretty amazing.