Long Time No Blog

A certain friend has been pestering me (Hi!!!!) to update my blog.  Thing is, I haven't forgotten, I just haven't felt very inspirational lately.  I've been struggling and don't have much to share but I guess then that's the real part, right?  I don't have to be inspirational, this is my blog and my story, so here goes.

Random Musings:

(1) Coming back from Hawaii was ROUGH.  I hadn't been great about taking my depression meds and so I was in a dark place coming back and my depression was seriously kicking my ass for a few weeks.  I just this weekend feel like I'm finally coming out of that fog.  It's amazing how clearly once you're on meds and feeling better, you can identify slips and that feeling that comes with them.  How'd I live like that for so so long?

(2) Eating has also been a struggle since Hawaii.  It's not like I'm being outright "bad" but to say my foot is off the gas is an understatement.  Little bites of things I shouldn't have, eating when not hungry just mindless, STRESS EATING (work's been insane).  It's just bad.  Somehow though I'm holding it together enough for my weight to have been stable for a while and to finally start dropping again.  I'm trying to see this as a test for maintenance (living a normal life where cake on occasion happens) and as a learning for maintenance.  We'll see.

(3) We had family pictures taken a few weekends ago and I could have cried when I saw them.  I look so so so different.  I should post prior family pics but, truth be told, I'm not even *in* any from my highest.  I refused.  The second time we had them done I was down like 30 lbs and feeling fantastic!  I look at them now and I look like a completely different person.  What was most shocking to me is that I look nearly the same size as my husband.  We finally match! :)

(4) My friend had a cocktail party the weekend we got back from Hawaii (I got shit-faced, see also not taking depression meds, alcohol makes meds ineffective and see also rough landing from Hawaii.  Yea….).  The party was 'cocktail attire'.  I only learned that <24 hrs before.  Into my attic I went to look at my long-ago stored 'too small' dressy dresses.  I found dress after dress STILL WITH TAGS (holy wasted money) and nothing fit.  Only, they were all enormous.  I had a $300 Tadashi Shoji dress there, never worn, now huge.  WTMF.  I found one dress, a 16W, that fit perfectly.   Here I am.  It's too bad I have a GIRNORMOUS cardigan on making me look bigger than I am.  I needed to wear something though to cover my arms, sigh.  A new black cardigan is on my list.

(5) I had a dream for a very long time of wearing skinny jeans/leggings with tall boots over them.  It was a style I love and is very popular that a fat girl, at least this fat girl, couldn't pull off.  It felt strange at first but I now wear this look all.the.time.  Thing is I'm still partial to regular jeans vs. jeggings/leggings.  I'm just not sure I can pull those off yet.  So, I tend to wear them with jeans whose knees bunch more than they 'should' but whatever, I'm wearing tall boots y'all.

Outfit w/ tall brown boots (not that you can see them)

Same outfit w/ flats.

Same outfit boots vs. flats - which do you prefer?

(6) I've been sucking about working out but I've been back w/ my trainer for the last two weeks and I went on a 4 mile walk last night so I'm trying.  I know, as much as I hate to admit it, that even more than weight loss, it helps with my mood.  Given how much my depression has sucked ass lately, I can use all the help I can get.