RESET!

My good friend and I have been commiserating that we've just been out of control with food lately (both post-vacation, both suffering majorly from winter doldrums, etc).  I knew what I had to do to get back on track (I literally had to track my food again) but each week it just....never happened.  As I've mentioned, I wasn't really gaining weight, and while maintaining was good, the guilt about knowing that I was falling into bad old patterns was haunting me.  What good is permanently altering your body if you aren't committed to making changes for ever.  And even if that means you fall off the horse, you get back on, damn it.

So, I proposed a 3 day liquid diet to her.  I had to do 3 days of 'clears' before surgery so that's what I was thinking at first, but I soon abandoned that thought when I realized that surgery basically ruined Gatorade for me and I KNEW I needed protein.  Each day my calories went up a little bit, but never over  1,050.  I was off carbs completely (welllll, I had oatmeal once).  I ate mostly liquidy mushy things (soup, yogurt, smoothies, protein shakes) and then eventually a few other things made my OK list (peanut butter, eggs, ground turkey - in soup/chili, etc).    My friend did it more strictly than I and to her I bow down.

This morning it ended and I stepped on the scale.  HOLY MOTHER FUCKING JESUS.  I lost 9.1 lbs in three days.  Yes, it's not all real.  I know this.  I also just ended my period.  But this was the first consecutive days of really mindful eating in at least a month - - and also the first time the scale as dipped below 195 ever.  So, yay me.

Thing is, I didn't do it for the weight loss really.  I did it as a reset button.  It was a really interesting experiment.  If you think of eating only in terms of liquid, and you're hungry/want protein/whatever, you start getting creative.  I mean last week I would have been like "whatever, oatmeal...." and moved on to something else.  Wednesday morning I was like "I would kill someone for a bowl of steel cut oats....".  I had a greek yogurt smoothie yesterday for Christ's sake.   When you remove so many foods sure you get cravings for bad things, but it's not too bad for just 3 days.  But, what it does do is reframe your mind around so many GOOD foods.  Like Oatmeal isn't bad but it was a TREAT.  Now that I'm "allowed" to heat more, I still went for 1/2 Eng Muff with 1/2 TBSP PB this AM as a pre-gym 'meal'.  I'll have something else afterwards.

Anyway, it was all very interesting and I'm so thankful for good friends like Marisa who, even though we NEVER see each other still speak everyday and are willing to go through things like this with you and be your champion :)  Thanks Maris.